Busy Times

Oh boy, have I been B-U-S-Y! Every year I wait till the last minute to do Christmas shopping but this year has been the absolute worst for me in a very long time. I usually start my shopping about the first week in December (end of November) but this year I did not start until this past Saturday (the 20th). I did not buy one single thing before then. It really had a lot to do with my Grandpa being in the hospital and passing away the beginning of the month. I just did not feel like doing much of anything. I still miss him dearly and my days are not quite the same without seeing his sweet, sweet face. :)
Brendon and I went out and purchased about 90% of our gifts for everyone this weekend - I still have a few to get. Usually we get into a few little spats during our shopping but this year we did pretty good. We even congratulated ourselves for a bicker-free experience. LOL Brendon hates shopping and during Christmas it really shows. It is the one and only time during the entire year that he goes. We did not buy Brenna very much this year - just because she already has a bunch of stuff already but we did splurge and got her a Nintendo DS, which she has been wanting for a very long time and it is at the top of her list (she has made it quite clear!!). I had issues about that but I think I will be very strict about the amount of time that she spends on it.
Brendon and I have disagreements about the big stuff being from Santa. He thinks that the main gift should come from Santa and I say that the big gift should be from us. I guess I have a hard time spending so much money on something and letting a big fat guy take all the credit. Brendon says that she'll figure it out when she gets older and be thankful but I guess I am a more of an "instant gratification" kinda person. So after much debate the Nintendo DS will be from Santa. *ugh* Why should HE get all the credit?
I don't even know how I feel about the whole "Santa thing". It's all such a huge lie. Yes, I believed in Santa as a kid and my parents went along with it but when I found out there was no Santa I was kinda bummed. I know quite a few families who don't do all the pretend stuff (Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, ect...) and I think that I would be quite fine with that but it's a little too late now. Brenna is obsessed with all that pretend stuff and it drives me crazy every time I have to answer questions about what the Tooth Fairy does with all the teeth or how Santa delivers all the toys in one night. What a deception. I hate lying to her. I am so honest about everything else so how did all this Santa and Tooth Fairy thing happen???? Maybe I am being a little too weird about it all. That's all a part of childhood, I guess. I just don't like it too much.

Anyway, Brenna and I have still been going to see my Grandma almost daily. It's so weird how much my life has changed in the past couple weeks. Today has been exactly two weeks since my Grandpa died. When you are used do doing something for three years it's kinda weird when it all of a sudden changes. Honestly, my life seems very empty right now. I know that seems impossible to say when you have a six year old, who is home schooled none the less, but I miss taking care of my Grandpa. There were quite a few times during those three years when I just got so burnt out and I complained to Brendon (but no one else) about having to go over there every day and missing so many field trips and play dates with our friends and home school group, but I am so grateful. I am so grateful for getting to spend so much time with him and getting to know my Grandpa. I am so grateful for my daughter getting to spend so much time with her Papa and knowing who her Great Grandpa was. I am hopeful that she will have wonderful memories of him. I will try to do a good job at reminding her and keeping those memories alive in her.
I came home for a few minutes on that day before he died and completely broke down as soon as I saw Brendon. I told him that I felt so bad about all those times that I complained about having to go over there and take care of him and that I wished I could have more time with him. Brendon reminded me about all the time that I DID get to spend with him and that I should be thankful. And I am. I truly have no regrets. I told him almost everyday that I loved him as I kissed him on top of his bald head. :) That was my daily ritual for three years. He knows I loved him and that gives me peace. My Grandma is doing good. Yes, she misses him but she told me that she is happy that he is not suffering anymore and that makes her content. She is such a strong person and I look up to her so much.

As sad as I still am, I am looking forward to Christmas. Brendon's Mom, Step-Dad, Grandparents, Aunts and cousin are coming down and we are looking forward to spending time with them. My Grandma is going to my Aunt's house for Christmas so that will be nice for her - it has been years since she has been there. I am hoping that she will go and visit more people during the next year since she does not have to take care of my Grandpa anymore - it will do her good.

I'm sure that I won't post until after Christmas so I hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas!!!!