Being very open about my feelings right now...

So I was informed last night by my Mom that I need to stop writing things on my blog like, "...reminding myself..." and "...trying to convince myself..." that what I am doing is right. She said that she gets very upset when she reads those words when it comes to me homeschooling. And yes, I agree.
I need to be totally and utterly comfortable in what I am doing and most importantly HOW I am doing what I'm doing.
I keep waiting for that to happen - to be completely sure and not have those twinges of doubt. It doesn't happen every day or even once a week or once a month. Very seldom do I doubt what I am doing is right but it shouldn't happen AT ALL.

Do I love homeschooling Brenna? Absolutely.
Is it the best thing for our family? Without a doubt.
Would I change anything right now? Not on my life.

I guess I don't necessarily question the whole homeschooling thing itself. I totally feel at ease about not sending my daughter to school and I do not hesitate one bit. I could not fathom her going to school. I am passionate about the entire idea of homeschooling and I love the lifestyle that we have that it gives us. We are not tied down to strict school schedules and homework. Our time together doesn't just consist of weekends and evenings during the week when everyone is tired from a long day, trying to get dinner made and homework done and bath and bed before a certain time. Oh that stresses me out just thinking about it! LOL I really don't know how some people do it. Our evenings are so relaxing and we don't feel pressure at all. So I guess to sum it all up, yes I am totally in love with homeschooling and have no uncertainty about it.

To be honest, I guess the thing that I question sometimes is HOW we homeschool. I don't know why I do because I have so much proof everyday that what I am doing is right for Brenna. Everyone who frequents my blog knows that I have a very relaxed approach to homeschooling and that we do not use any type of curriculum at all (been there, tried that, not good for my child). It has been a struggle and a roller coaster ride these last two years to get to this point and to feel (somewhat) at peace with it. It is hard to put so much trust in your child that they will learn without you pushing them. It is hard to feel comfortable in the fact that you are not sitting your child at the table everyday, drilling facts into their head and making them perfect their writing or learning math by writing it down repetitively on paper as proof of what they learned that day. It's not for the child's benefit that these things get done. It's for the teacher's (or in my case, the parent) to have a hard copy of what the child has supposedly learned that day. It's not natural for children to learn that way.
Do people force their children to walk? Do they send them to a school that teaches them to walk or even talk? Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? So is forced learning - it's the same thing. Children are natural learners. They were born to learn and they were born with the instinct to learn. Look at how much children learn before school age. They learn because they WANT to and because they crave it. A child gets sent to school (or even structured homeschooling) at the age of 5, forced to sit at a desk and learn things that they have absolutely no interest in and pretty soon it becomes boring and they begin to hate anything to do with learning.
Yes, I have tried sitting Brenna at the table and "doing school". You know what happened? She shut down. Learning stopped being fun and became a struggle. She started to pick up reading at age 5 and I forced her to sit and read to me everyday whether she liked it or not - and believe me, she didn't like it one bit! She hated it. There were tears and it just seemed so forceful and unenjoyable and unnatural so I stopped. (Yes, many of you have heard this story but bear with me.) Six months after I stopped forcing her to learn how to read she acquired a passion for it and now at 6 she's reading at a 3rd grade level and reading for pleasure.
Spelling was the same struggle. We started a curriculum, she resisted and stopped learning "on her own", we stopped and now she is learning to spell everyday just by making books and IM'ing her Dad on the computer and making cards for people.
You want to hear a conversation Brenna and I had just last night? We were talking about brushing teeth and I told her that you have to brush for about two minutes. She has a little hourglass timer that is for 30 seconds.

Brenna: "So if I got my timer then it would have to go four times for that to be two minutes because it is for half a minute."
Mom: "Yes, you are completely right Brenna. Good job!"
Brenna: "So if my timer was only a quarter of a minute then it would have to go eight times for that to make two minutes."

We continued the conversation and I asked her more complicated questions, which she got right.

My 6 year old is doing fractions....in her head.

And we don't use a math curriculum which teaches her this. She learns this because she wants to and because it's interesting to her. Amazing concept. Don't we do that as adults?
Oh how I wish I could just go on and on and about how many math conversations we have like this and how much she can do in her head. It is a part of our everyday life. Why do I need textbooks to teach her things that she will naturally learn by using it in everyday life?

So after all this, I STILL doubt sometimes that what I am doing is right. Why?? Can't I see the proof right in front of me?

Every once in a while I will have the urge to sit her at the table and drill spelling words into her head and prove to me that she can spell this word and that. But I don't. Every once in a while I will have the urge to make her perform math problems on paper just so that I can see what I know she already knows. But I don't.
Believe me, it's hard. It's hard not conforming to what school should be like and what people say a child should learn at a certain age. It's hard not having that "proof" written down on paper. It's hard trusting her and trusting that she will learn things. She may not grasp certain things at the same age that school children do but her learning experiences are much richer I think because it's things that SHE is interested in that she will remember better. She is also learning certain things that are way beyond her grade level, like fractions. It kinda evens out.
But I have a philosophy on that whole thing.....
Who's to say what they should learn at what age? Really, who comes up with that stuff???
What difference will it make if my kid learns how to tie her shoes when she's 4 or when she's 6? She's still going to learn right? She's not going to be 15 and not know how to tie her shoes.
I think that applies for a lot of things. Reading, spelling, writing, ect.... Why not let them learn it when they are ready and when it is easier for them to grasp the concept instead of when "so-and-so" (books, government, teachers,ect...) says that they should? Is there any difference at all between a 7 year old learning to write cursive and a 10 year old learning to write cursive??
I'm sure that I have written similar arguments on here before and I apologize for being repetitive.

I need to listen to my Mother (don't we all??) and stop doubting what I am doing with Brenna because I SEE it. I see that she IS learning and that she is so smart. I see how much she loves learning new things and how many questions she asks everyday (that I have to find answers to!! LOL). I also have seen how much she resists when it comes to any kind of structured learning and how she just completely shuts down. Maybe I just worry too much about what other people think? I really do I guess. As my brother always tells me , I worry too much about what other people think and I need to just be myself. Oh how I wish I were more of a "free spirit" like he is. (I love you PJ!!) How different a brother and sister can be....
I need to realize that Brenna is MY child and that as her mother, I know her best and know the way that she learns best as well. I am not harming her in any way by not being a sit-at-the-table-and-do-your-work type parent. I actually have her best interest at heart and I have come to realize what kind of learner she is. She thrives on natural learning.
That, right there, is the absolute beauty of homeschooling.

Good Story

I love this story. I found it while doing my quarterly search of reasons to make myself feel better about choosing to unschool Brenna. LOL

It is a little long but the writer does such a great job at keeping it interesting, at least for me. Some might find it interesting, some not so much.... I just copied and pasted it here instead of posting a link.


Home Education Magazine
March-April 1998 - Articles

Unschooling or School-At-Home?
by Chris Sims
I didn't start out to be a home schooler. Nope, I was going to "give up" seven years of my career for the sake of my children, then jump straight back into the workforce and lead "my own" fulfilling life as soon as both kids hit school age. The change crept upon me slowly, from having a homeschooling friend whose enthusiasm was virulently infectious to finally interviewing the principal of my daughter's would-be elementary school and asking him how the school would deal with a child who was still quite hyperactive and destructive, even at the ripe old age of four and a half.
"No problem," the principal told me with a smile. "We'll just put her in a class for behavior-disordered kids and get her on medication and she'll be fine."
"Not my daughter, you won't," I announced, and at that very moment, I became a home schooler.
The principal shouted, "Well, I have to protect my teachers, you know," just added fuel to my newly stoked fire.
So I went home to see if we could do it.
I hang my head in sheepish bemusement to recall how I sat my preschoolers down on child-sized chairs while I knelt beside a child-sized blackboard and even (gulp) used a pointer to begin their first week of lessons. That week was a dismal failure. Somehow, I just couldn't seem to get either child to sit still!
At that point, I didn't know that school could be anything other than the classroom type of experience my husband and I had endured all of our schooled lives. I'll always be grateful to a friend who gently directed me to the John Holt section of the library. She also introduced me to confident, homeschooled teenagers who happily answered all my questions. It's a good thing I was blessed with resilient children, too. They were the ones who ultimately had to teach their parents what education is really all about.
So, armed at last with a headful of unschooling book-learning, my family relaxed and just hung around together. We hiked, we read, we went to museums and art galleries. We cooked, sang and painted. While my husband and I worked on home remodeling projects, the children handled real tools and learned what they were for. Unschooling was the way to go!
But then we moved to a new school district and my daughter absolutely begged to go to kindergarten. Having come full circle, my husband and I truly believed in the unschooling philosophy and couldn't imagine why our daughter wanted the prison-like atmosphere of school. On the other hand, we had to admit that Emily thrived on structure, while the rest of us simply don't live that way. Figuring school might fill that gap in her life, we let her go. While Emily did enjoy the predictability of her day, she didn't like being told what to learn and when to use the bathroom. She especially didn't like being set aside with a pile of busywork while the teacher taught the other kids their colors, letters and numbers-things that Emily had already known almost half her life. (When she was two, she had me read Dr. Suess' ABC so often that I could recite it in my sleep. At two-and-a-half, she started sounding out words on her cereal boxes at breakfast. I'm all for delaying academics, but I believe it's even more important to listen to nature!)
After five weeks of kindergarten, we discovered that Emily was learning that "I am different and different is not okay." The teacher, principal and school psychologist agreed that she would be better off homeschooled. They offered all the resources and support we could ever have asked for.
Back home, Emily insisted on maintaining a school-like routine. Balking a little, I went along with it. She loved it! So did our son, who was almost four at the time. It didn't take long, though, to slip into a pattern of interruptions, field trips and "special situations" that precluded getting our routine done. Thus, we began a years-long yo-yo ride: chaos was fine until I succumbed to peer pressure within the homeschooling community and decided the kids needed to be able to write as neatly or recite history as well as their agemates. We'd return to a structured approach only to sink back to merely living life. Whining and bickering would then besiege our un-"school" and the kids would once again insist on doing school at the table like we used to. Even when fights and tears ensued, we'd stubbornly hold our course until everybody was so miserable that we had to step back and re-evaluate. Deciding to pitch the schedule and just keep to a loose requirement that something academic be accomplished every day usually led to a great, collective sigh of relief.
And guilt. "Oh, so you don't really do anything," a librarian once observed. "You just keep your kids home." But since the compromise between total unschooling and rigid school-at-home seemed to be working, we stuck to it, convinced that we had finally found our family's best method.
Wrong!
My son made his view of the situation perfectly clear when it was his turn to find out for himself what went on in that big, brick building up the street. One of his first assignments in second grade was to write about his previous education. "In homeschooling," he wrote, "I do math and stuff and mostly just try to keep from getting bored." He got a check-plus on top of the paper. I felt as though I'd gotten a D-minus.
After a year of school, Reed and I were dissatisfied with the quality of our son's education and made the decision to continue homeschooling. How was another question. What, I asked myself in the middle of many nights (the only time when many a homeschooling mom can complete a thought) is the correct method of homeschooling for our particular children? I could see all kinds of benefits to the unschooling philosophy. Why, then, did my children yearn so for classroom education and demand structure at home, even to the point of wanting spelling tests and, even worse, having them graded? "No, mom," my daughter once told me, "I don't get to try again, you just mark it wrong and put minus whatever at the top." Note that I said, "once." The notion that mistakes were permanent and uncorrectable rather than helpful tools for learning just didn't go over too well with ol' Mom.
Experiential learning is the kind that sticks. It also lends itself to extrapolation into other fields of knowledge, according to numerous studies on how both adults and children learn. The self-taught tend to be more creative, innovative and motivated, better organized, and happier with themselves and their world. How could I not want those benefits for our children?
On the other hand, I can see plenty of advantages to the school-at-home style. Some things, for instance, can only be learned and improved upon with practice. Take piano, tae kwon-do and sign language for instance. Even long division is a skill that gets rusty without regular use. Foreign languages are still most easily acquired by the young, so it makes me nervous to wait until the children develop their own desire to learn one. Memorization is thought to stimulate the growth of gray matter-the usable stuff-in the brain. That, too, is a feature most true of a brain that is still young and developing. Memorization of rhythmic, rhyming poetry instills an innate math sense, something especially important to my daughter, who has an awfully hard time understanding the relationship between numbers. She's not too keen on memorizing, however. Brushing her teeth doesn't thrill her either, but what kind of a parent would I be if I didn't insist on brushing now to ensure better health later? Then there are the studies of schooled children that have shown that gifted students who are not intellectually challenged tend to actually lose IQ points over time.
Both extremes of educational style have merit, though I have to admit I still lean toward the unschooling style. It seemed most logical to sit down with each of the kids, talk about all of the options and hear what they had to say. Both of them wanted structure. School at home.
All right. If structure was what the children wanted to "try to keep from getting bored," structure they'd get. I, being the one to stay home most of the time, really tried.
The trouble is that in life, interruptions happen. If the chickens get out in the middle of a math lesson, they need to be put back in the pasture before we can give much attention to what three eights make. If a friend needs emergency babysitting, then loving service to others takes precedence over a page of grammar exercises. If the snow is going to fly tomorrow, the garden gets taken in today. If the kids have been involved since dawn in building a complicated series of cardboard stables, who am I to suggest that they adjorn to the table to do measuring exercises on paper?
Eventually, the books lay forgotten in the dining room under piles of other, more immediate projects and concerns. Once again, guilt struck. They wanted structure. They said so. They begged for it! Why, oh, why couldn't I be a good mom and provide it?
Then again, they didn't look unhappy.
My son asked me one day when he accidentally caught sight of a semi-buried math book, "Shouldn't we do some schoolwork today?"
"Yeah," chorused his sister. "We haven't done any for days and weeks!"
"Well, I'm not so sure about that," I said. "Remember when we were out walking the dogs and had that big discussion about space habitats?" They nodded. "Science," I said. "And you know all those space ships you've been building out of Legoes? That's math."
The kids thought about that for a minute and liked what they heard. For the next week or so, they assured me they were doing Lego math and didn't need to do anything else. Just when I thought I had them convinced that they could unschool, they wanted lessons at the kitchen table again.
A great light of realization finally broke through my barriers of guilt and set us all free. The homeschooling method that works best for us is to bounce back and forth: Unschooling until creativity wanes and boredom sets in. School at home until that has satisfied the moment's need and created a desire to relax and do something else. Balancing chores, information, service, art, household projects and work so that everybody's needs get met at least some of the time. "A change is as good as a holiday," someone once said.
How very true!
© 1998 Chris Sims
Chris Sims has been homeschooling for five years, officially. Ten, if you consider that her children began learning the day they were born! She lives with her husband, two children and two dogs on a miniature farm in Vermont where they raise goats, chickens, herbs, vegetables and perpetual chaos.

I'm sitting here missing my sweet husband who is in Hartford, CT right now for work. Lucky duck gets to experience actual winter weather in January! He just called me from the airport after he landed and said that there is snow on the ground outside. And I just went outside to feed my cats in shorts! Yes, I do love my warm Texas weather but come on! It's supposed to be winter right now, not feel like Spring!
I am waiting impatiently for him to email me with his hotel phone number so that I can call him. His cell phone does not work up there and he used Jason's (the guy he's traveling with) phone to call when he landed. It's after eleven and I am getting tired so hopefully he will email soon. I do not like this one bit. Brendon and I have been married for almost 9 years and I love him more than the day I married him. I don't like him being gone. It really, really sucks. He'll be back Thursday though so that's not too long I guess.
Brenna went to bed earlier then normal tonight because she's just been so darn grumpy and emotional lately. I think it's because she's been going to bed a little later then she used to - about 9:30. Back to 8 - 8:30 for that girl! She's just one who really needs her sleep I guess. It doesn't really matter what time she goes to bed, she wakes up around the same time every morning. She does NOT sleep in and sometimes she could really use it. If the sun is up then so is she. She's camping out in our bed while Dad's gone and I have our thick curtains drawn back so maybe she'll get a really good nights sleep tonight and not wake up at the crack of dawn. :)
I've been on the computer for the last couple hours. I like to get on and read my boards that I belong too. They are all about homeschooling of course. It's nice being able to connect with other Mom's who homeschool and read about things that they are going through and questions that they have. There are posts pretty much about everything from curriculum to relationships. I don't read them as much as I used to just because I don't spend as much time on the computer. So when I do get on there's lots to catch up on. Sometimes it's bad though because I guess you tend to compare yourself with other Mom's who homeschool. I've got to learn to NOT do that. My child is completely unique and I'm not going to do 4 hours of school work with her just because some other mom of a six year old is doing that - that just does not fit her. Holy cow, she would FREAK OUT! LOL :) I just need to remind myself that she is learning plenty and is doing very well right now.
Well Brendon just emailed me and I got to talk to him for a few minutes. It's almost 1am there and he has to get up at 6am. He's sounds so exhausted. He's been traveling since 10 this morning so I guess I would be too.
Brenna and I will be keeping ourselves busy while he is gone. We have a zoo trip planned (I love having a membership!), a beach clean-up and a couple of "girl nights" with manicures, movies and popcorn so I am really looking forward to that. She's a lot of fun to hang out with. :)
Till fingers and keyboard meet again......

Zoo Time

Brendon, Brenna and I went to the zoo last Friday. It is very nice going during the week because it's not crowded at all. Another perk of going during that time is that Brenna is usually the only kid around and she gets to do really cool stuff, like feed a baby camel! I posted a while back about her feeding Noel, the last one they had there, but I did not have my camera at the time. I was so bummed out about that but I got another chance last week. :) The baby camel, Merry, was born right before Christmas and was a lot smaller then the last one. She was not even a month old yet. We knew that feeding time was at noon so last week we made sure to get there right in time and crossed our fingers that Brenna would be able to do it again.
Sure enough the zoo lady came out with three HUGE bottles and looked around and nonchalantly asked if there were any short people who would be willing to feed a camel it's lunch. Brenna's little eyes lit up and she got soooo excited. Here's a couple good pictures I got....

Great Weekend

Brendon, Brenna and I went to my Dad's hunting lease this past weekend. We hadn't been there since Brenna was two and we had a blast! They have a really great set up with a nice cabin that sleeps about 7, an outdoor kitchen, a bathroom with a shower and hot water and a nice big covered deck to hang out on. Brenna had a really great time and did not even play with all the games I brought or her Nintendo DS - which was great! She was out climbing trees, taking Mazzy for walks, talking to cows (LOL) and just exploring. She's a very outdoorsy little girl. We got very spoiled too by my Aunt RuthAnn - that woman can cook!! :)
I'm hoping that we will be going back very soon. We will definitely NOT wait another 4 years like we did last time.
I took quite a few great pictures and posted some of them. If you click on them they should get bigger.

I sure hope everyone had a great Christmas - we sure did! Brendon's whole family came down and we had a wonderful time. It had been a while since we had seen some of them.
Christmas Eve was spent at my parent's house and we had dinner and opened gifts. Christmas morning Brendon, Brenna and I opened our gifts here at the house. Brenna was ecstatic about her Nintendo DS! I was worried about her playing on it too much but so far it has not been a problem at all. She regulates herself pretty well so I have not had to step in as of yet. She got a lot of other really cool stuff this year too. She now has her own pink acoustic guitar and loves to play around with it. She wants to take guitar lessons but she won't be able to until she's 7 - which is actually right around the corner! She also got a digital camera and was very excited about that. Now she can quit using mine! LOL We went to Lisa's house Christmas Day and spent pretty much all day there with Brendon's family and had a wonderful traditional turkey and ham lunch.

I am very glad that it is a new year. Last year kinda stunk. I'm ready for new stuff and new goals. My best friend, Mieree, and I are going to come up with a a weekly schedule for the girls and us. Park days, field trip days, ect... I have to find some sort of structure or I'm afraid that we will just spend too much time at home. We have still been going to see my Grandma - not every day like I had anticipated, but about 3-4 times a week. She really likes that because I think she is starting to get a little lonely.
Brenna is still doing basketball and loves it. She is getting much better and wants to continue it next season. Her last game this season is in February. I'm not sure when the next one starts. I finally got a call yesterday about the Musical Theatre class that we looked into last year and after a very long waiting period, they will be starting next week! YEA! I really, really think that this will be something that Brenna will be VERY good at and really enjoy. I am already planning to sign her up for the theatre class they do here every summer. It is quite extensive and lasts pretty much the whole summer and is Monday thru Friday. I think Mieree is going to sign Rhiannon up too, so we can take turns taking the girls, which will make it easier. I wanted to do it last summer but it just wasn't possible with me taking care of my Grandpa.

Well that's pretty much it for an update. I will post again soon. :)

Busy Times

Oh boy, have I been B-U-S-Y! Every year I wait till the last minute to do Christmas shopping but this year has been the absolute worst for me in a very long time. I usually start my shopping about the first week in December (end of November) but this year I did not start until this past Saturday (the 20th). I did not buy one single thing before then. It really had a lot to do with my Grandpa being in the hospital and passing away the beginning of the month. I just did not feel like doing much of anything. I still miss him dearly and my days are not quite the same without seeing his sweet, sweet face. :)
Brendon and I went out and purchased about 90% of our gifts for everyone this weekend - I still have a few to get. Usually we get into a few little spats during our shopping but this year we did pretty good. We even congratulated ourselves for a bicker-free experience. LOL Brendon hates shopping and during Christmas it really shows. It is the one and only time during the entire year that he goes. We did not buy Brenna very much this year - just because she already has a bunch of stuff already but we did splurge and got her a Nintendo DS, which she has been wanting for a very long time and it is at the top of her list (she has made it quite clear!!). I had issues about that but I think I will be very strict about the amount of time that she spends on it.
Brendon and I have disagreements about the big stuff being from Santa. He thinks that the main gift should come from Santa and I say that the big gift should be from us. I guess I have a hard time spending so much money on something and letting a big fat guy take all the credit. Brendon says that she'll figure it out when she gets older and be thankful but I guess I am a more of an "instant gratification" kinda person. So after much debate the Nintendo DS will be from Santa. *ugh* Why should HE get all the credit?
I don't even know how I feel about the whole "Santa thing". It's all such a huge lie. Yes, I believed in Santa as a kid and my parents went along with it but when I found out there was no Santa I was kinda bummed. I know quite a few families who don't do all the pretend stuff (Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, ect...) and I think that I would be quite fine with that but it's a little too late now. Brenna is obsessed with all that pretend stuff and it drives me crazy every time I have to answer questions about what the Tooth Fairy does with all the teeth or how Santa delivers all the toys in one night. What a deception. I hate lying to her. I am so honest about everything else so how did all this Santa and Tooth Fairy thing happen???? Maybe I am being a little too weird about it all. That's all a part of childhood, I guess. I just don't like it too much.

Anyway, Brenna and I have still been going to see my Grandma almost daily. It's so weird how much my life has changed in the past couple weeks. Today has been exactly two weeks since my Grandpa died. When you are used do doing something for three years it's kinda weird when it all of a sudden changes. Honestly, my life seems very empty right now. I know that seems impossible to say when you have a six year old, who is home schooled none the less, but I miss taking care of my Grandpa. There were quite a few times during those three years when I just got so burnt out and I complained to Brendon (but no one else) about having to go over there every day and missing so many field trips and play dates with our friends and home school group, but I am so grateful. I am so grateful for getting to spend so much time with him and getting to know my Grandpa. I am so grateful for my daughter getting to spend so much time with her Papa and knowing who her Great Grandpa was. I am hopeful that she will have wonderful memories of him. I will try to do a good job at reminding her and keeping those memories alive in her.
I came home for a few minutes on that day before he died and completely broke down as soon as I saw Brendon. I told him that I felt so bad about all those times that I complained about having to go over there and take care of him and that I wished I could have more time with him. Brendon reminded me about all the time that I DID get to spend with him and that I should be thankful. And I am. I truly have no regrets. I told him almost everyday that I loved him as I kissed him on top of his bald head. :) That was my daily ritual for three years. He knows I loved him and that gives me peace. My Grandma is doing good. Yes, she misses him but she told me that she is happy that he is not suffering anymore and that makes her content. She is such a strong person and I look up to her so much.

As sad as I still am, I am looking forward to Christmas. Brendon's Mom, Step-Dad, Grandparents, Aunts and cousin are coming down and we are looking forward to spending time with them. My Grandma is going to my Aunt's house for Christmas so that will be nice for her - it has been years since she has been there. I am hoping that she will go and visit more people during the next year since she does not have to take care of my Grandpa anymore - it will do her good.

I'm sure that I won't post until after Christmas so I hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas!!!!

Very Hard Week

This week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. My Grandpa Billy, that I helped take care of for the past three years, passed away early Monday morning. He had a very long struggle with diabetes and had been on dialysis for about three years. He went into the hospital on Tuesday of last week to have his foot amputated, which was his very worst fear. The surgery went fine but a couple days later he took a turn for the worse. I think it was him giving up and just being tired of everything that he has had to go through. On Sunday my Grandma made the hardest decision of her life and stopped all treatment and decided to let him go peacefully. No more poking. No more prodding. No more medicine. No more doctors.
He was sent to his own room and was made comfortable and the whole family was with him all day. My Grandma and I stayed the night with him and he died at about 3AM. My head was laying on the bed next to his and I was holding his hand.

I am very heartbroken because he was such a big part of my life for so long - especially for the past three years. But it's comforting knowing that he is not in pain anymore. It had gotten pretty bad the last year.
Brendon and I told Brenna Tuesday morning that her Papa had gone to Heaven and she seemed to take it okay. I have always been very honest with her and she has known for a long time that Papa was sick. I cried when I told her and that sweet little child put her arms around ME and told me that it would be okay. After pondering over it a couple days though I think the reality of it is finally hitting her and she has cried a couple times. She did not want to go to the funeral today and she keeps telling me that she misses her Papa. It will be hard for the both of us for a while. Brenna and I will keep continuing to go to my Grandma's house Monday thru Friday for a little while. I don't want to change that right now. She needs us and I want to make her life as normal as I can right now.

I am so very grateful that I was able to spend as much time with him as I did. I will cherish the last three years for the rest of my life. Brenna will have fond memories of her Great Grandpa as well. Not many kids can say that.

I love you and I miss you Grandpa.

(Link to the obituary)
http://www.valleymorningstar.com/articles/graves_40728___article.html/harlingen_billy.html

Yet another rant....

After almost two years of officially homeschooling, why on Earth do I let what other people say affect me so much? Why should I care what other people think about my daughter being homeschooled? How come I let others make me doubt that what I am doing is best for Brenna and our family? I know the comments that are made are out of pure ignorance and that I should not take them to heart. Some people have such nerve though, saying things about homeschooling when they just absolutely have no clue what they are talking about. Go and research and read about it before you make your snide remarks. Then if you still don't agree with it then fine. At least you know all the facts and aren't making idiotic comments about something that you know nothing about.
Today at the grocery store I was checking out with this man who has worked at HEB for ages. I have known him for a very long time - nice guy, very friendly but you can tell he is a "too the point" type person. While he handed me my receipt, Brenna was kinda climbing on the shopping cart and I told her to be careful and that I didn't want her to fall. He looked me straight in the eye and told me that I needed to read my own shirt and that's why she was acting that way. I was wearing my "Warning: Parent of an Unsocialized Homeschooler" tshirt. I looked at him and said that she is acting that way because she is a kid and she is 6 and it has nothing do with her being homeschooled. Oh that made me so mad though!!!!! I left that store fuming. Why in the hell do people think that way? So if my kid were climbing all over the cart and if she were attending school then it would be okay and normal? Because I have seen kids do MUCH worse then THAT at the store. Don't think I will be wearing that shirt out in public anymore though. Don't want the assumptions placed on my daughter and me.

I have another family member as well who is so against me homeschooling and thinks that Brenna is suffering socially because she is not in school and that I am ruining her. Do I have her locked in a closet all day? Does she not interact with other people on a regular basis? Can she hold a decent conversation with other people? Does she have friends she plays with? Socialization does not necessarily happen JUST at school. In fact, there is little socialization happening at school - or at least the kind that I want my daughter to learn.

I'm just going to stop here because it is late and I am tired and also because I am being redundant. I have talked about this on my blog before and I don't feel like going off on another tangent and repeating myself. Everyone who reads my blog on a regular basis knows exactly how I feel about all the socialization crap. End of story.
I know that as long as I homeschool I am going to get all the crap and all the assumptions that come along with it. I really just need to learn to deal with and not let it affect me so much.

So I am going to use my classic excuse as to why I have not posted in a long time - I've been busy!! LOL

Brenna's first basketball game was so much fun to watch - as well as the two after that. We are now parents who have a basketball game to go to every Saturday morning (until February) but I love it. It is so much better being a spectator than a coach (we coached Brenna's soccer team a couple years ago). Brenna, as well as the other girls on her team, are improving every week. They have not won a game YET but I predict it will happen very soon. :) The last game was only a one point loss. There is a picture below. Brenna is to the right.

Co-ops are now over and done with. We had Report Day last Wednesday and Brenna's class got up and sang "My Country Tis of Thee" - it was very cute. I took some pictures but they did not turn out good at all so no use posting them.

Brenna is going to lose her first tooth very soon! It has been loose for a while now and her adult tooth is already growing in behind her baby one. I called the dentist when I noticed it a few weeks ago and they said to just leave it alone and let the baby tooth fall out - then the big tooth will move forward. When I first saw her other tooth growing in I freaked out. I got online and found out that it is actually very common for that to happen. It seemed like it was taking forever for her baby tooth to get really loose until this afternoon! She bit into an apple and screamed. Apparently the apple really did a number on making her tooth pretty loose and now it is barely hanging in there. The pain finally went away and now she is obsessed with wiggling her tooth. I just really, really hope that it comes out tonight and not while she's with my Mom and Dad over the Thanksgiving holidays. But if it does then oh well. She'll be losing plenty more.

She will be leaving with my Mom and Dad tomorrow to go out-of-town to my Grandparents and Brendon and I will be headed to Dallas for the Cowboys game on Thursday. We are going with Danny and Nan (my in-laws) and then will be meeting up with my parents and Brenna on Friday. Yes, I feel bad for not being with Brenna on Thanksgiving and I am having a hard time dealing with that right now but she will be with a lot of her family. She's fine with it though.

I am very excited about going to the Dallas Cowboy game. Brendon has been quite a few times but I have only gone once. It will be really fun!

Ok, I had to take a break from writing and just got Brenna into bed. Poor thing is so worried about giving her tooth to the tooth fairy. It has not fallen out yet, but she is upset about having to give away her very first tooth. She is a very sentimental little child and has a hard time letting go of anything. She is even willing to give up money to keep her tooth. She said that she doesn't want any money - she just wants to keep her tooth. I told her that we can write a letter to the tooth fairly and explain what she wants. Yes, the tooth fairly is going to let her keep her tooth and she will probably even get a couple bucks anyways. ;) And if she looses it while she's with my parents then she's going to keep it safe and bring it home because the tooth fairly only comes to your house. LOL

I have to go finish packing. I'll make a point of writing more frequently! :)

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Cute picture of Brenna and Tantrum that she took. :)

Busy, busy!

I was so good, for so long, at posting on a regular basis! It hasn't been too long I guess but I broke my writing streak. Brenna and I have been pretty busy though and I hardly have time to sit at the computer and check my email, much less write. Brendon and Brenna are watching a Spurs basketball game right now so I have bought a few minutes. LOL
The week before Halloween I was busy decorating for our Halloween costume party that we had. Brendon and I went all out and had a bunch of our friends over for a big Halloween bash. I decorated the whole house (cobwebs, red light bulbs, ect...) as well as the backyard and made tons of food. We had a wonderful time. Brenna went with Nan that evening to the Fall Festival at the church and then ended up going to my Mom's house early because she was not feeling well. We had planned on her spending the night at my Mom's house but not as a sick little girl! She started running a fever that night and I felt absolutely terrible leaving her there. She has always been very comfortable at my Mom's though, so if she wasn't home then that was the next best place. She ended up running a pretty high fever all weekend, along with a stuffy nose, but was better by Monday. She did miss her basketball scrimmage game on Saturday, as well as practice on Monday, but she was back to practice on Thursday. She has really been enjoying it so far. Her very first game is tomorrow morning so we are all looking forward to that. I will try to remember my camera so I can take pictures to post. She's a little nervous and I have been trying to make her feel better and telling her not to be and to just do her best. I think her Dad gave her the best advise tonight and was very straight forward - "You should be nervous and that's okay. That just means that you will try your best! Tim Duncan is probably nervous before all of his games too!" She seemed to take that better then what I was telling her. Maybe I should just leave all the sports things up to Brendon. LOL

We've still been doing co-ops with the home school group, as well, on Wednesday's. Next week is the last week. We'll do it again in February, I think. Brenna enjoys it. Me, not so much. I have come to realize that I really don't get much out of the group we are in. I guess I just don't have much in common with the other women - personality wise as well as teaching style. It makes me feel very out-of-place sometimes. We've been involved with this group for two years now and it has not gotten much better.
During the last Mom's Chat at co-ops we discussed curriculum. One of the Mom's has a daughter the same age as Brenna and they are very similar in personality as well and she has been having a lot of problems with her. She's been very stubborn and giving her such grief over the school work that they are doing -- reminded me a lot of Brenna and all of the times that I attempted to do formal curriculum with her. All of the other Mom's were telling her about the different curriculum's they use and finally I spoke up (after much debate with myself). I told her that I am very relaxed when it comes to our schooling right now and that I have tried doing the formal school stuff but that for some kids it just does not work when they are this young. I told her about trying to teach Brenna how to read when she was 5 and teaching her phonics and how she just refused and that it became such a struggle. I told her how I completely backed off and just kept reading to her and not forcing the issue and that within six months of doing that Brenna was reading on her own because she WANTED to and not because she was forced. One of the mom's spoke up and said to me that I have to have used some kind of curriculum to teach her how to read. I said no and that Brenna learned how to read because she wasn't pushed. Period. Apparently that it pretty hard for some people to understand. That is the one thing that convinced Brendon that what I was doing was right for her though. I think I am the only one in the group that is as relaxed as we are but it works for us. I happen to have a child that does worse when she's pushed and thrives on doing things at her own pace. I guess you could say that we are doing more of an unschooling method right now - which is child-led learning. I have written about it on here before. I think I was considering it last time I posted about it but now, that is what we are doing. In fact, the same person that questioned my teaching Brenna how to read made a comment last year when I was considering the unschooling method. She said, "I don't know about those unschooling people. They just don't do anything!". Well if you knew anything about it you would know that is a totally false statement.
I know people have different ways of teaching their kids at home and I respect that. But don't go putting me down because I do something that is different from you. That would be the same thing as me saying that I think it is terrible that people use structured curriculum and sit for hours a day at a table with a six or seven year old, forcing them to learn out of textbooks. No, I don't agree with that but I would never say that to a large group of people when I don't know who's doing what.
Okay, so I totally went off on one of my little tangents. I didn't mean to get that carried away. Not even sure if I made much sense or made any points at all. Just venting I guess. LOL

Well this post has taken me about 3 hours to write (taking lots of breaks here and there). It's my bed time now -- have to wake up and cook Brenna a good breakfast before her first game!!
I'll post about that sometime this weekend.....

Porch Roof

We finally finished putting up our porch roof last weekend! Yea! It looks soooo much better then the old one did. No more rotten boards and it looks so clean (the white paint was getting ugly). I am actually pretty proud of Brendon and me - I think we did a good job for people who had no clue what they were doing! We sure did learn a whole lot though. Now we need to finish painting the rest of the house so the porch will match! LOL

Brenna wanted to help so I put her in charge of handing Dad tin screws. She thought it was pretty cool being up on the ladder. :) I will have to take a picture of the finished result and post it soon.

Field Trip

Brenna and I went on a field trip on Wednesday with the homeschool group to the Sea Turtle place on the island. It was very interesting and a lot of fun. Brenna was fascinated with the turtles and really wants to go back again. My friend Mieree and her two daughters came with us. I had two car seats and Brenna's booster seat all in my back seat. That was pretty interesting (and a very tight fit!) but we managed. LOL
After our visit to the sea turtle place we all went down to the beach and had a picnic lunch at one of the pavilions. All the people in our homeschool group stayed for about an hour or two but Mieree and I had decided to stay all afternoon. We have both been wanting to do a beach trip very badly and made a whole day of it. We brought our chairs, lots of food and drinks, an umbrella and a small tent for baby Maisy to take naps in. It all worked out wonderfully and the girls had such a great time!

Brenna's Drawings

I just wanted to post a couple pictures of some of Brenna's art work. She is becoming quite the little artist!

Basketball

Brenna and I went and signed her up for basketball yesterday!

Basketball, of all things.

No, I am not against her playing sports at all but Brenna has never really been the sporty kind of kid. She tried soccer when she was 4 and hated it. We've had a basketball hoop in our driveway for about four years and she never plays. Yes, she goes outside and kicks a ball around but other then that, she's not very athletic.


I got an email through my homeschool group the other day about basketball sign-ups and I mentioned it to Brenna (thinking she would say no) but she surprised me and really showed an interest in it. She insisted that she wanted to sign up.

So off we went yesterday to the Boys and Girls Club and got her name down. They said that they were not sure if she would be able to get on a team or not since they were pretty full.


Today I got a call from her coach and she is going to be on the team of the school that she went to pre-school and the school that I used to work at. Her coach is actually going to be one of my Mom's good friends and someone that I have known for years so I think that is wonderful! I will not feel weird about leaving her at practice if I have to run to the store or something.
Yesterday Brenna and I spent about an hour outside and she practiced dribbling and making some baskets. She did way better then I expected and I think she's really going to like this a lot.
Her practices start Monday and they are twice a week. Her games will be on Saturday mornings. I will post some pictures on here soon.

100th Post, Co-ops and a little less stress! LOL

So I just realized that my post that I wrote yesterday was my 100th post on my blog!! That's pretty cool and I never thought I would get this far. :) Eventually I would like to turn this into a book so I will have it to look back on when Brenna is grown with a family of her own. I'll have to find a place on-line that I can do that. I have so many thoughts and struggles and things that have happened, all in this one place. It's the closest thing that I have to a diary I guess.

So today we had our third co-op with the homeschool group. I haven't been writing much about that. We've been having a great time though and the kids are all so wonderful. Like I said before, we are doing a patriotic theme this time and they've been learning about George Washington, our flag, money and the symbols of the USA. The kids in Brenna's class are voting as well - for their snacks for the following week. They have a good time doing that. :)
Next week we are not doing co-op (it's a one week break between the six weeks that we are doing). We will be going to the island for a field trip to the sea turtle place. I've already 'called off' for that day at my Grandma's so Brenna and I will be able to stay the entire time and participate in the picnic afterwards. I have not been able to take Brenna on a field trip in quite a while. Lisa has taken her the past few times because I have had to go to my Grandparents. I called my Grandma today and told her that I will not be there next Wednesday.
My predicament that I am in, with taking care of my Grandpa, does make it kinda hard to do the things that I would like to do. But Brenna and I deal with it though and she knows that we have to take care of her Papa and that's our 'job' (and a very rewarding job I might add that teaches her a lot). She's such a big help too. She has her jobs there and usually helps me with her Papa's lunch and helps me clean a little as well. Not very many kids can say that they get to spend just about everyday with their Great-Grandparents. She will remember that for the rest of her life.

Today at co-ops we had our Mom's chat, as usual, and discussed the different grammar curriculum's that we all use. Since I do not use a grammar curriculum just yet (most Mom's in my chat have kids that are older then Brenna), I just sat and took in all the information. I did get quite a few great ideas for things when Brenna gets a little older.
I also was able to have a one-on-one conversation with a mom who has five daughters and has been homeschooling for about 13 years. Through our Mom chats I have come to realize that we are very similar in our homeschooling methods. She is not one to force anything on her daughters, just like me, and when she sees one of her kids really struggling with something, she backs off. She is the one that I actually got the idea from with Brenna's spelling curriculum. When I talked to her today she told me that she did not start spelling with any of her kids until they were either in the 2nd or 3rd grade. I told her about all of the trouble that I have been having with Brenna and she told me to stop and to not push it.

So I think that I have decided to back off of our spelling curriculum. I actually had a conversation with Brenna tonight about it and she told me that she "does not like a book telling us what to do" and she thinks that we need to come up with our own spelling list. So I think what we will do from now on, for the rest of the school year, is work together on her spelling list and come up with about 10-15 words a week to study and then take a test on Friday's. We'll see how that works.

As for her math though, I told her that we will continue to do that on a daily basis and she seemed fine with that. It really is very easy and things that she already knows how to do. That just means we should be able to fly right through it.

OK, time for me to go to bed. I could stay up for another couple hours debating what I should or should not be doing but I need to rest my brain. LOL This stuff has really been stressing me out. I guess I should just follow my heart a little more and not stress out so much about this stuff.
Like one Mom in my group said, "You have six years to teach reading, writing and basic math. Anything else they learn is wonderful but don't stress out about it that much."

Frustrated... but working through it

So for the tenth million time I am in the process of really deciding what it is that I want to accomplish in this whole homeschooling journey that I have decided to take on. This stuff sure is a heck of a lot tougher than I ever thought it would be.

Okay, that's it -- she's just going to school!! It would solve everything. NOT!!! LOL
If only it were that easy. *sigh* Do I want to take on this challenge? More than ever!

I am in need of some major re-evaluation though and I am as confused as ever. I guess that's what I get for reading so many books and researching so many different things when it comes to methods of homeschooling. I have so many options and I have a very individual child on my hands. :) And only one to deal with, for that matter, instead of a whole classroom full. I guess that is what is so stressful about it. I can actually cater to one learning style instead of many different ones and I want to do it right. I only have one chance.

Okay, so my whole dilemma.... I soooo want to be a completely relaxed homeschooler (no curriculum at all - just child-led learning). I want to so bad that I feel it in my heart and really think that is what I should be doing. I can really see how my child benefits from that and how much she learns doing that. I mean, she learned how to read, for crying out loud, taking that approach ! I never used curriculum of any kind when it came to teaching phonics and reading. I read to her since she was 6 months old - she picked it up - period. Now she reads at a 3rd grade level. I have learned that she is a sight reader and not a phonics reader. She just knows what the word is - it is actually pretty unbelievable. It has been just amazing seeing her progression. She reads words now that I just could not even fathom having my six year old read. I started out by pushing it when she was about five and she shut down, hated reading and did not want anything to do with it. I stopped being so pushy and within six months she wanted to read and craved it. Now I find her sitting on the couch, at any given day, reading for pleasure. Would she have been doing that right now if I would have continued forcing her? I can't say for sure but if I would have to take an educated guess, I would say no.
So now I wonder if that is the case for math and spelling as well? If I keep making her do our math and spelling curriculum that I bought will she end up hating it? If I just stop forcing her in spelling, for example, will she just all of a sudden get it in a year from now and love it and crave it like she did reading and pick it up very quickly? It is quite a struggle for her right now.
Why is it so important that my six year old knows how to spell anyway? Who am I out to impress? What difference does it make if she learns when she's six or when she's eight? She's still going to learn, right? And if it's easier to do when she's seven or eight then why not wait? She's still going to learn either way.
As for math, she learned by the time she was five to count by fives and tens to 100. She knows addition and subtraction and even some fractions, all without the help of a structured curriculum. We do math every single day just from playing and her asking questions. Is it stopping at all? No way! Math is part of everyday life.

Brenna absolutely craves knowledge. She is so curious and asks so many questions and learns so much each and every day. One reason why I do not send her to school is so that craving doesn't get crushed by curriculum and by the reasoning that "we're not on that subject yet so I'm not going to teach you" (even though you want to know all about it!).

Today I had someone call me regarding my last post. Okay, so I will just say that it was my all-time best mentor and one of my best friends, who happens to be my sister-in-law, Lisa. Thank you Lisa! She is homescholing her daughter, Kastine, and one of the people that made me realize that homeschooling was right for our family. She never pressured me (never even brought it up for that matter or made me feel that is what I should be doing) but because of what she was doing, she really got me interested in it. Anyways, she called me today and gave me the best advise that I have have gotten in a long time. "Do what is in your heart Brandi. You are the only one who knows your child and how she learns best." Very simple but yet very powerful for me and I think that is what I really needed to hear. She told me not to worry about what other people think. But, yes, I do worry about what other people think when it comes to us homeschooling and she's probably right and I probably shouldn't. But this is what I hear ---- "What did you learn today Brenna?" "How is your spelling curriculum going?" "What did you do in math today?" The questions come from everyone. I feel that because I am homeschooling, I am being judged and that my daughter is being quizzed by so many people. Is it in my imagination? Probably. Do I feel inadequate when Brenna answers, "I don't know"? Yes. But she doesn't know that difference between scholastic learning and just living life and learning through that. She learns so much everyday but to her that is such a natural thing that she can't answer the question, "What did you learn today?". That is just way to broad for her. You ask her specific questions and she can answer those much better. I guess my point is that learning is such an everyday thing and she doesn't even think twice about it. Learning is living. That is what the entire 'unschooling' method is about that I love so much.

Then there is the other (small) part of me that feels I should be doing a more "school at home" type thing. We should be sitting at the table everyday and doing math and spelling and science and grammar. She should have something to show for her learning, like workbook pages and math problems on paper. Isn't that what school is all about? Tests and worksheets?

Or is it?

I'm sure that there are things that Brenna is not learning this year that she would be taught in school but on the other hand, I know there are things that she is learning that are well beyond her grade level. Who's to say what kids should learn and at what age?

Is that what we are just used to and what we feel that school should consist of? Shouldn't learning be more of a natural thing and something we crave? I don't know about a lot of you but a lot of what I have learned, and what matters to me in my everyday life, is what I have learned as an adult (after I got out of school) because I actually cared and was interested in.

I'm not looking for answers or for someone to tell me exactly what I should be doing. I'm just trying to figure things out.
Am I open to suggestions? Absolutely!! (I appreciate everything that everyone has helped me with!)
Am I scared to death about homeschooling my daughter? Maybe, but not really.

I think what scares me is all of the expectations and all of the "this is what kids should learn at this age" kind of things.
Who actually made that timeline? Schools? Teachers? Superintendents? Government?

I'm not convinced.

I'm not convinced because I see my daughter excelling just fine without all of the timelines and expectations.

Maybe I am starting to figure out what it is that I need and should be doing. This blog is a wonderful thing to help me get my thoughts out. :)

Well it's been almost a week since I last posted. I guess I still am a little sporadic BUT I have become better.
Brendon and I have not really got too much done on the back porch since I last wrote. It is a very slow LEARNING process. But the great thing, I guess, is that we ARE learning. LOL We figured out that we needed to put some cross beams between the main beams to support, as well as screw, the tin on to. So that has been our project this weekend. We have more than half of the boards up. We would have finished today but it started to rain. Great excuse to watch the Dallas Cowboys game too. LOL :) Hopefully next weekend we will finally get the roof on. *fingers crossed* I will try to finish the cross boards this week and paint them. I should have known that this would be a 'more than one weekend' thing. It will get finished eventually.
It has been a learning time for Brenna as well --- learning to occupy and entertain herself while Mom and Dad work! :) She is very good at that though and always has been and I think that is very important. I can not stand it when kids are needy and clingy and always need somebody to tell them what to do or entertain them. That's another problem with kids going to school. They are always told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, ect... Kids need time to be by themselves and figure things out and use their imagination. Children in school get very little of that. They can't just be themselves and do things that THEY want to do and discover things that they love and are passionate about. For example, Brenna absolutely loves to draw and will stop doing what she is doing sometimes just so she can draw a picture of what she is doing or what she's learning about. She is a wonderful artist and has become so much better because she's just able to do it whenever she wants - no restrictions. Do you think that if she was in school and learning about Columbus that she would just be able to stop and draw a few pictures about what she thought the Pinta, Nina and Santa Maria ships looked like? Not if it wasn't in the schedule or part of the curriculum.
I have started to become a little obsessed about "unschooling" again, which I think is a great philosophy when homeschooling younger children. I have a book on it that I have read before but am starting to read for the second time. I love reading books again because I think you get much more from it the second time around. It has been a while since I read it anyway. I have talked about unschooling before but for those who don' t know about it, it is basically a child-led learning style. Nothing is forced on the child and they learn about things that they are interested in. A lot of what Brenna and I do right now is considered the unschooling method. She learns so much just by asking questions and being curious about things. Here's a few paragraphs from the book I'm reading that I thought was great:

From the book 'The Unschooling Handbook : How to Use the Whole World As Your Child's Classroom'

Trust That the Child Will Learn

For many people, this last characteristic - trusting that the child will learn - is one of the most difficult hurdles to understanding how unschooling works. "But how do you know that you are covering everything important?" " How do you know your kids aren't missing some crucial topic?" " What if they don't learn all the stuff they're supposed to know?"
This is partly a reaction to our own educational experiences and our observation of school children. Years in school teach most of us to rely on what the experts - teachers, textbook writers, standardized test developers, government officials - tell us what we need to know. Eager, hand-waving "Me, me, call on me!!" first graders become less enthusiastic - even indifferent - by the time they are ten or eleven. Too many times, they are told to settle down, wait until next period, until tomorrow, until next year, we'll cover that later. It doesn't take more than two or three years for kids to quit exhibiting their natural curiosity, to learn to wait more or less patiently - if uninterestedly - to be told what the next "important" thing to learn will be.
Developing the trust that kids can and will learn on their own is usually easier for parents who start homeschooling before their children reach school age. It's hard to watch your children learn to walk, learn to understand and use language, and learn to get into anything and everything within reach, without believing that they are capable of learning about anything they are curious about. Most small children have such a broad range of interests that it's easy to believe they may eventually become curious about almost everything.

This has been a little difficult with me when it comes to Brenna's spelling. She is really doing a wonderful job with it and I know in my heart that she is completely capable of doing the work. There are "moments" though during each lesson that she pretty much has a meltdown and tells me that it is too much pressure and that she hates spelling (usually at the beginning). I push her though and she always completes the lesson. The thing that I have noticed though, is that she is no longer making her little books with stories like she used to before we started the spelling curriculum. She would write things (whether they were spelled correctly or not) and always enjoyed it. She doesn't even TRY to spell anymore. Now it's like she has no confidence in her spelling capabilities. It makes me wonder if what I am doing is completely crushing her desire. Is it better that I stop the curriculum and just let her learn on her own (which was working pretty damn well to begin with and she learned so much)? Or do I continue to force her and end up with a child who absolutely hates writing and spelling?
I really am so torn on this and honestly don't know what to do. On one hand, I love the unschooling, child-led learning but on the other hand it's not like I am asking much of her.
I guess it is really the type of child I have as well. Brenna does learn and retain things very well, which I think is very important (and really is the whole point of learning!), when SHE wants to. For example, she is so into the Magic School Bus episodes right now, which teaches science type things. I have a timer set up and we record all of them. They are pretty much the only thing that she has been watching on TV right now. She watched one on spiders today and while we were outside tonight she saw a spider making a web and was absolutely fascinated. She LOVED it! She started telling me all these little facts about spiders that she learned from the show.

I guess my whole dilemma that I have right now is all of the options that I have when it comes to homeschooling. Do I want to be the type who makes their child sit down and learn things? Or do I want to be the type of parent who lets their child learn things that they are passionate about? Maybe it's a more of an "in-between" kinda thing.

I guess I'll figure all this out just like everything else in parenthood. :)